How to Put a Stop to Idiotic Comments

I am a contributor to a forum for Auto Immune conditions.

Our medications, and sometimes the inability to exercise, get some of us to put on weight. The amount can vary - a few lbs, to whatever. Sixty/seventy is often heard of.

With all the medications we need, we tend to look normal, and as long one is not obese, most people connect extra weight with undisciplined eating habits (which does tend to happen initially because of intense sugar craving due to the medications, but once aware, the eating is generally kept under control, but the weight gain happens anyway). The edge can be taken off the pain with the drugs, and anyway, we mostly develop higher thresholds of tolerance.  Additionally I do feel that those with chronic conditions are particularly careful not to LOOK ill. It is irksome enough to FEEL ill all the time.

We try to laugh about people’s reactions when/if they find out that we are not well. It ranges from - ‘But you look so well!’ ‘You seem happy!’ ‘Then you should be resting at home!’ and ‘But you don’t look sick!’, but in reality it is sickening.

Once when I had to go to meet someone to get some documentation sorted out, I was particularly unwell. I made an appointment to make sure I wasn’t kept waiting. Then I dressed appropriately, albeit in no-fuss comfortable clothes, pulled my hair back so I wouldn’t need to bother about it. I even managed to put some Vaseline lip salve with SPF on, which I anyway should, but often don’t bother with.

When I got to the meeting, the person was not in his room. I waited for half an hour. My brain was oozy. I had my usual body ache and low fever. My head throbbed. Etcetera.

So I went to his assistant and asked when the gentleman would be back, as I was not feeling too well. He looked at me and said, ”But you don’t look sick”.

At that point I was beyond politeness, so through gritted teeth I snarled back at him, “Idiots don’t look like idiots either.”

A huge forum discussion of more than two hundred posts followed on the subject, each illustrating individual experience. To prevent these infuriating observations about how 'well' we look, these were my suggestions.

I am reproducing that post here without any further edit:-

Hair and face:

-Wash hair.

-DO NOT brush

-Throw head forward.

-Blow dry any which way (the point is to look unkempt).

-At this point moisturizer may be considered.

-Sunscreen with high SPF is strongly recommended.

-If physically at all possible, smudge a dark kohl pencil around the eyes, adds much to the end results.

-Don't bother with fine lines and neatness. Think HEROIN CHIIC. Or Lyrica, Ultram. Imuran, Met, Xanax, yada...yada.

-Vaseline lip care will do. Nothing is also fine.

Clothes:

-Any skirt/trouser - classic, wrap, straight, bias, - whatever.

-Top - anything will do. Absolutely.

-Dress- from wadrobe, attic, bazaar, anywhere. Moth eaten? Cool!

Pull a tshirt under it or a shawl over it-only if modesty beckons.

POINTER - mismatch is good. Very good. Better than match.

-Scarf/shawl. Bright colours - as many as the weather permits.

Legs:

- Tights, leggings, warmers - anything, anywhere, anyhow.

- Ballet shoes. Not too new. If boots, then scruffy.

The idea is LOW MAINTENANCE. To look somewhat FLAKEY. ECCENTRIC. WILD. UNAPPROACHABLE.

And to put people off asking idiotic questions or attempt to reach a comfort zone from where they can make unsolicited comments.

However, NO body odour. PLEASE. Some energy has to be used for that.

And now you are ready.

So go get them!