To put this entry into context I have to mention that I am diagnosed with both Bipolar and Lupus. The formal diagnosis followed years of severe symptoms and misdiagnosis.
Chronic, progressive illnesses that cannot be cured, only kept under control, have changed the way I live absolutely. Before what I could do and afterwards be sick, are exactly those that now I can’t do so I am not too sick. I stop before I even start.
I have to plan every activity, edit all emotions I initiate or may be at the receiving end of. The activities must not involve stress, strain or sunlight, the emotions shouldn’t cause anxiety, stress, depression or mania - now all that generally add up to normal life - so bye-bye normal life.
But what I have found is that living does not have to be copybook. Limits can open up opportunities that would never have been considered before. Limits bring with it humility, one has to then get off one’s high horse. Ambitions that were driven by the lack of understanding of real abilities and bolstered by a misplaced ego have to be given up because they become too stressful and cause too much anxiety.
It takes time to adjust, to think things through. Its best to imagine the worst scenario, so anything to keep that at bay is an achievement that is earned in baby steps, testing the water as one goes along.
I started writing this blog in September, a full six months after I became largely house bound. Soon it will be eight months.
Writing this blog has been more therapeutic than formal therapy. The mind has a way of coming up with solutions once it has accepted the question.
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